WTF?! Where did November go? I don’t know about you, but I literally blinked and Christmas is here. If you know me away from this blog, you will know that I usually HATE Christmas. Has anything changed? I will get onto that at the end of this monthly update……….
Urgh. What a month.
It all started off pretty excellent with a fantastic fun packed weekend and I was generally in really good spirits.
I went to see a mind-blowing tribute band to David Bowie called Absolute Bowie. I LOVE this tribute act and go and see them EVERY time they come around. If you like a bit of Bowie and are looking for a fun high energy show – make sure you go and check them out. Pretty sure they travel all around the UK all year around.
That same weekend the boyfriend and I attended WitchFest in Croydon. As I knew absolutely nothing on the subject/religion of witchcraft/paganism I was ever so slightly dubious as to what I would experience, but I had a fantastic time and learnt some really cool stuff!
I am not religious at all, but I really did feel the magic of the place. Everyone there seemed SO lovely. It didn’t feel too dissimilar to walking the streets of Glastonbury to be honest and that was a welcoming feeling.
There was a huge focus on the power of women, which seems to be a very common theme at the moment, and that was nice. And I love the concept of “As long as you harm no other, do what you will”, which is something that I will certainly keep in mind throughout my own life.
I came away from the festival fully convinced that it can be a very rewarding path to follow and I will certainly take aspects of it into my own life on my spiritual journey. But, I am not a convert as I choose not to tie myself down to any religion or strict beliefs. And I don’t believe I ever will.
The rest of the month took a downturn as I have had a bit of a struggle with my health and in turn, stress levels.
On top of having the flu and my immune system being down the toilet, I was also suffering with my Kidney aches. I was due to receive my results from a previous CT scan in a meeting with the Urologist but that got cancelled at the last minute which was infuriating, and they still haven’t managed to reschedule my appointment. But as it turns out, once I demanded that my results were sent to my doctor so I could at least find out SOMETHING, it shows I am clear of Kidney Stones. So, it seems that the horrible pain I felt was actually the stones passing. Or was it? I don’t know.
I’m currently waiting on a call from the hospital to try figure out what the next step is but, at this stage, I’m not even sure I want to know. I’m so tired of it all. 🙁
And then, to top it all, I got a horrible pain in my jaw/side of my face that just won’t go away. I finally faced my fear and visited a dentist, only to be told there is nothing wrong. So, I am hitting the doctors first thing tomorrow to try and find out what is causing it as I haven’t slept properly in over a week and it is really starting to take its toll on my well-being.
I can’t tell you how shit I have felt. It has felt like I am just constantly fighting one health battle, only to be hit by another.
But, enough of that negativity. But that is life, huh? And while I am in this mindset it is never going to get any better. So, the doc is going to fix me tomorrow, right!? The whole message behind my blog is to CHANGE your mindset. Thoughts create reality and if I focus on the negative, that is all I am going to get.
Speaking of a negative mindset……that brings me onto Christmas. Haha.
What? I am literally the Grinch! I have always hated it. I am not entirely sure why. Maybe I need a few hours on the therapist’s couch to understand that. But just the thought of Christmas sends my thoughts into a spiral of stress and anxiety and despair.
I stress over my ever-growing to-do list, the long, long hours at work (I have always worked in retail), losing my routines (dangerous for us OCD sufferers), spending WAY too much money, feeling guilty at cancelled plans because my energy levels just can’t keep up with the gift-buying, parties, and family/friends time we are expected to give during this season.
I have NEVER understood how people can enjoy it?
I see all these happy smiley people on Christmas Movies and hear the Christmas cheer in the Christmas songs but the reality……………………..?
Really angry customers on the phone accusing me of ruining their Christmas and irritated red-faced shoppers pushing past each other in the shops. I can’t even get to the bar to buy a drink at this time of the year because everywhere is rammed and you just get shoved out of the way.
Where is the happiness and good cheer? Am I looking in the wrong place!?!
For just one small time of the year, there is a HELL of a lot going on. And it is overwhelming. For me anyway.
But this December, I am REALLY going to try hard to change my mindset. Christmas SHOULD be all about gratitude and reflection of the year that has nearly ended. I AM ALL about that. Instead, I allow it to be all about stressing, spiraling out of control and mental breakdowns.
This December I am going to take the time to spend on myself, my self-care and my well being. I am going to check in with myself every single day and put myself first.
I am going to resist the Christmas “Expectations” as much as I possibly can. I am going to enjoy Christmas my way.
I am going to REALLY limit the presents that I buy people and do my VERY best not to feel guilty about it. If they don’t tell me what they want, they will get chocolate. I am not a mind reader and I don’t have the time to spend traipsing around the shops trying to find the perfect gift when so much of my time is taken up elsewhere and spending too much money in the process.
I am going to tell people EXACTLY what I would like as a gift if they ask me, and if not, I am more than happy with chocolate.
I am going to stay sober for Christmas so that I don’t have to suffer working long shifts with a hangover. People can call me boring all they like, I don’t care.
I am going to buy MYSELF a few little gifts, just because I CAN.
But most importantly, I am going to be grateful for my friends, boyfriend and family and for having them in my life.I will certainly show them that gratitude with my time, but it will be in January – because, sorry folks, Christmas just doesn’t work for me.
You define what celebrating Christmas looks like to you.
Don’t let anyone force you into A Clinton’s Card Holiday Nightmare.
If you have any questions please feel free to comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
THANKS FOR READING – DHARMA ROCKS Xx