So while my last blog post was largely positive, there has been something that has been causing me a huge amount of distress lately.
I want to confess something to you. Something that I find very embarrassing to admit is a massive personal struggle of mine. But recently I realised, how hypocritical of me to create a blog encouraging people to face their fears and improve their life, when I feel terrified to do anything about my own personal fear!?
So – Confession.
I have a CRIPPLING fear of spiders. Now, if you are rolling your eyes at this point and thinking “yeah yeah, you and everyone else in the world” then you don’t realise the severity of this stupid fear of mine. I am TERRIFIED of them and the phobia is quickly ruining my life.
Every single time Autumn rolls around and the big ones start to come out of their hiding places, I just become a complete neurotic mess! I want to write about how distressing it is in my blog but I am currently feeling massive amounts of anxiety and paranoia just WRITING about it. If I see one in my house or at work I will spend DAYS if not WEEKS freaking out about it afterwards in case it comes back or another one turns up.
I once tried to do some online research to find out different ways to keep them out of the house but almost every web-page/article I clicked on had a photo of one on it and I couldn’t bear it! As soon as I see even a picture of one the image burns itself into my mind and its all I can think about when left alone in a room.
I know that those who are close to me get frustrated because my reaction to one is always so over-dramatic, but I can’t help it. I can’t stand having to ask work colleagues to go and check the toilet every time nature calls because I just WON’T go into a small room alone if there is a chance one could be lurking in there with me.
They don’t understand my fear. Hell, I don’t understand it myself.
I know that my reactions are absolutely ridiculous. I am sick of living in fear. I am sick of feeling like I can’t have a shower until every corner of the bathroom has been scanned by someone else. I am sick of jumping a mile when something touches my skin.
I cherish my alone ‘me time’ but currently feel like I NEED to be around people 24/7 in case I see one.
I have had enough!
So, I have decided to be brave and seek some help for my fear. The first step to recovery is admitting your fear, right? And I shall be asking for some professional advice.
Does anybody else have any unusual fears? Any tips on how to overcome them? There isn’t a great deal of helpful information on the internet but I will share what I learned through my journey if you are interested.
No pictures on this blog post – for obvious reasons!
THANKS FOR READING – DHARMA ROCKS Xx